ring around the rosies

Knit the Empire

For those of you who would like to join me in knitting the Empire from the Rowan Classics collection (Classic Cafe book), feel free to take the button below.

But save me to your own server, per favore.

If you are interested in joining this newcomer to the world of charts (um, that would be me), let me know and I'll keep a running list somewhere around here for your viewing pleasure. It's an Empire-along, but that's kinda hard to say, so we'll just say it's the Empire Strikes Back! The puns, they are limitless.

Back from Exile

Like Napoleon, I am back from exile. Thanks so much for your words of support and encouragement during the very frustrating reign of Dennis. Benign despot though he turned out to be, we the exiled rulers of our own kingdoms don't appreciate being displaced. I ended up having to go north a couple of hours to stay with family during the storm as the whole "Hey Families Are Welcome at the Palatial Power Plant" invitation was rescinded. Yeah, I know, how rude! Something about liability, blah blah blah. So the day before the evac, we found ourselves scrambling for another place to stay. (I should add that at least some humans at the plant called to say if we were desperate, they wouldn't turn anyone away, but by that point, we were all "thanks but no thanks, people!" We sure showed them.) Oh, but the house and everyone are fine, so thanks for asking. Thankfully, Dennis turned out to be not such a bad guy after all.

Anyway, it wasn't all bad because the aunt and uncle? They like to eat! And they never lost power! So in addition to having a warm bed (not a cot) to sleep in, I had television (more on that later), and hot meals plus desserts every other hour. It came to be quite the joke. In my house, and in my family, cooking is what we do when we're anxious. It calms us down, plus it gives us something to do with our hands and mouths. My aunt is no exception. She cooked a pork tenderloin, homemade potato salad, squash, peas, and baked a pound cake. Oh and did I mention the homemade ice cream? Well, that was just day one. Day two saw a fish fry with all the trimmings plus a peach cobbler topped off with steak stir fry in the evening. Not only did I survive Dennis the Menace, I think I gained ten pounds. I was worried I'd have to hitch a ride in the bucket of a power company truck because I might not have been able to fit into my car anymore. The joke around the house that weekend was "It's been two hours! Time to eat again! What are we cooking?" Napoleon never had it so good.

And the television? Well, I'm about full up to here with the Weather Channel. Sure they provide a service, blah, blah, blah, but Local on the 8's? Who really cares to look at a series of maps of gorgeous weather hundreds of miles away when one is in the throes of a potentially deadly storm? And six times an hour at that. By the end of the weekend we were all "Damn the Local on the 8's!" Yeah, when you've no other stimulation, broad geographical weather coverage becomes the bane of your existence.

But the real entertainment came from the Rural Farm network. It's a real channel on the satellite dish (Alabama state flower, dontcha know?), though I'm not sure of its official name. My uncle, he likes to watch the cattle auctions. And the horse training shows. And the antique tractor profiles. That last one is kind of like Antiques Roadshow for the farmer. Great historical insight from farm equipment. Who knew? I gather most of this programming comes from Canada, but they dearly love it in south Alabama, too. Anyway, uncle urged me to check my own satellite network to see if they offered this channel back home so at least I could take the cattle auctions with me. Let's see, Tour de France or cattle auction? Hmmmm. Gimme a second...

If this network could somehow incorporate State Fair Knitting, I'd be all over it, but the channel had a general outdoorsy farm slant. What was Ma doing back at the ranch, is what I wanted to know!? No one apparently cares to check in on all the canning, quilting, and sewing that was going on. Hello, State Fair crafts? Flower arranging? Cake baking? Jelly making? These are the truly gripping rural subjects we want to see. I seriously want them to show me how to preserve food. Well, if you've seen this channel, please enlighten me. I need insight.*

Even Napoleon found his Waterloo
With husband on emergency duty and with my aunt doing the majority of the cooking, I did manage to make some great progress on "Empire" (as well as take some great naps). You may remember that the first repeat gave me great fits. However, I soon clued in as to how to read a chart and was off to the races. With each successive repeat, I make fewer and fewer mistakes. The last repeat , my fourth? maybe, I may have only ripped back four rows or so in all. It hasn't done me in yet, but I'm learning my short-guy complex gets me into trouble sometimes. Maybe if I just wear a bigger hat, I can pass myself off as a pro.

Tally Ho, dude. "Empires" rule.

In the meantime, here's a soft shot of the half-completed sleeve. The fuzzy halo is exacerbated by the fact that the yarn in this section has only been knit about 293,098 times.

Hello, Napoleon? Save me from the Sleeve Archipelago

In direct sunlight it's tres Kermit the Frog. As long as it's not Liberace, I can handle it. Josephine, eat your heart out.

Au revoir, mes amis!

* A quick Googling reveals the official site PLUS existence of actual cooking and quilting shows. Crazy.

Dennis the Menace

I just wanted to be the first to make that allusion, as I'm sure we will be sick of hearing about the Big D in about a week. We're mobilizing for storm number three on the Gulf Coast, and I'll most likely be ensconced in the palatial--and hurricane-proof--quarters of the electrical power plant with hubbo on Sunday and Monday. Luckily, knitting is portable. The brightest spot, literally, in that evacuation plan is that we will most definitely have power. Whether I will have any appliances with which to use this fabled electricity is still a mystery, however. We'll just see how it goes. I am hoping for a good story to come back with...such as their dire need for something metallic, long and cyllindrical to fix the turbine...hey! I've got just the thing! It comes in a size 6 and has a cashmere blend attached to it. Nothing McGyver couldn't handle. If he were cool enough to have been a knitter.

On a truly positive note, Hubbo grabbed the last fifteen sheets of plywood at Lowe's for our storm-proofing efforts. I feel like a native now. We've panic-shopped with the best of them.

Speaking of saving the day, my fave LYSO, Mercedes, taught me a thing or two about reading charts, namely that your pattern is prrrroooobably not going to turn out like the picture if you're going to read EVERY row RIGHT TO LEFT. Yeah, who knew?!

Well, if you DO know something about charts, as I now do, then you know that I'm a total 'TARD! Yeah, she kindly assumed at first that I knew what the hell I was doing and thought, hey, maybe the "Empire" pattern is wrong*, maybe you're just twisting your stitches, maybe you were SMOKING CRACK when you knit this. Seems option "C" is closer to the truth. We frogged and she reknit a few rows and then we had a little come to Jesus meeting, and voila! Problem solved. I didn't even buy the yarn at her shop, because she doesn't sell Rowan--yet--but still she graciously gave of her time and, of course, ruled it like a champ.

Thanks so much, Mercedes, even if you never read this, and if you, the reader who is not Mercedes, are ever in the Birmingham, AL, area, please proceed straight to Knit Nouveau and bow down to the goddess that is she. Plus she has great yarns and a very well-decorated shop. She should do that for a living, that woman.

And because she has great yarns, while I was there, I bought some Debblie Bliss Cathay in black so I could copycat Becky and make that bolero jacket from Interweave Knits Summer '05 issue. Look at me piling on the projects on my wishlist. Me so cray-zy.

I've decided to turn "Empire" into a cardigan. Does anyone want to knit this sweater with me, cardigan or no? Someone may have mentioned the word "knitalong." I'm interested in a "hurricane-along." Let's see what we can finish before hurricane season is over!! Who's with me?

Oh, and in my last entry, I referred to something as "orthopediatrically" unsound. Upon reflection, I realized the term is "orthopedically" but maybe I should consult a linguisticologist to confirm. If you snickerdoodled at my moronacy and wanted to notificy me of my errant but refranaimed, my sinceragist apolologies.

Have a grizate day.

* By the way, I'm knitting this sweater in moss green, not lavendar, and without the beads--so un-Liberace-like, I know. I just thought I should clarify that since some of you have asked. If I were more organized, I'd link you to the entry, but I'm not, so I won't. I DO enjoy the Liberace reference, though. It makes me want to change the name of this sweater to "Liberace" and wear lots of rings.

Freedom's just another word for cooler full of booze.

I am tha FI-ya-STAH-tah!*
My 4th of July was awesome. We didn't go anywhere or do anything special, except for watching fireworks at the beach last night, but I got to spend three solid days with my husband and he didn't even take ONE work call. I can't remember the last time that has happened. I made great progress on some projects around the house that have needed my attention for a long time (that not coincidentally required his presence to complete), and I got some well-needed rest. So, all in all, a fab-o holiday.

We look out over the bay with casinos in the background. Pardon the blur. Send tripod.

Yay for the Declaration of Independence! As a country, we should really think about signing more important documents, spacing them equally throughout the year. It's really the perfect occasion for a holiday. No gifts to buy, no relatives to visit, no mandatory decoration, and plenty of reasons to eat charred food and ignite large amounts of explosives. Can't think of a better celebration, actually.

*Apologies to Prodigy.

Wired No More
This weekend, I attacked the inoperative Linksys wireless router problem with a vengeance. Somehow, the English major is relegated to all computer repairs in the house. Not sure how the Electrical and Computer Engineering major--currently professional electrical engineer at the power company--gets out of this task. It must be because he's crazy (or is it lazy?). Like a fox. Actually when it comes to the home PC, he, like his father, knows just enough to be dangerous. Or at least that's what he wants me to think.

Anyway, no thanks to the Highly Effective Linksys Tech Support Squad over there in Bangladesh--really, NO thanks!--, I managed to configure the router to work with my Westell DSL modem, installed the USB wireless device on the downstairs PC (mixing platforms...I know, I'm WILD!), configured THAT terminal (look at me go with the lingo), and then pulled the plug on the home network FOREVER (we hope). Now I'm computin' from my bed. Seriously, Linksys needs to get some real users to write their documentation. Actually ANY documentation would have been good as it came with NO instructions. Literally. There should be a special place in computer hell for Those Who Write No Instructions. And it will be peppered with the very angry women, too busy to waste time with smarmy programmers who think all the world is comprised of online gamers and guys who work at Radio Shack. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

"Empire" Strikes Back

For the sake of clarity, pronounce it "Ahm-PEER," and now picture me trying to perform the Jedi Mind Trick on my itty bitty sleeve swatch. For that, my friends, is what I did for several hours this weekend on my very first foray into the world of charts. I'm attempting to make the cover sweater, "Empire," from Rowan Yarns Classic Cafe Book One.

And my pattern should look something like this--minus the beads.

However, I've been knitting in place and can't whip up a chandelier to save my life. It looks better than it did the first, or even second time, and with the addition of stitch markers, actually resembles the pattern if you squint a little. I'm going to keep going for now, just to see if I'm way or just a little bit off. Kind of hard to tell at this stage. Instead of a chandelier, may have to settle for a candlestick, or even a book of matches.

As for cable needles, I've tried both with and without assistance. Cable knitting, while not difficult, still has all the ease of my Eagle Pose in yoga class-- graceless, unfamiliar, and orthopediatrically unsound. Luckily, unlike yoga, I can learn it in the privacy of my own home and with the assistance of a good cashmere blend.

Whoa, geez, look at the time! Perhaps I should chain myself back to my desk in order to up the productivity.

Check out the Hurricane Watch over on the right. We're welcoming T.S. Cindy around here. The word on the street is she's making landfall tonight and bringing six inches of wet friends along with her. Let's hope we've stocked enough beer.